LoveJY

Since my last post was quite lengthy, I’m going to try to keep this half a bit shorter. Aside from all the relationship realities, I’ve also been thinking more seriously about pursuing art. It sounds so vague, and I myself don’t have a good idea of what exactly that means. I’ve always felt like I had no real passion for anything, but I’m slowly realizing that those little things I like to call hobbies may just be what I’m really passionate about. I’ve just never allowed myself to think that way, because I was raised to think that the only successful careers are the ones that make money, and artists don’t make any money, so you do the math. All this time, when I was wondering if I had any passions, I was really wondering if I had any passions that might promise to make money.

Anyway, Ricky and I met a new friend recently who lent us a book called The Artist’s Way:  A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. It starts off introducing a new philosophy of art and creativity, seeing it as coming from a higher source, and as we ourselves are only vessels through which this creativity can flow, we need to nurture our “Creative Child” to grow and improve. The most important thing it teaches though, is that we are our biggest blockers of creativity. We block ourselves by not believing that we have the potential to create something worth calling “art”, or that we’ll never make enough money to support ourselves, or that our family (i.e. Asian parents) will be disappointed. These are legitimate concerns, but those of us who really feel an unescapable link to artistic expression may use them as excuses, and we end up regretting having never tried to make anything of it.

An excerpt:

Remember that in order to recover as an artist, you must be willing to be a bad artist. Give yourself permission to be a beginner. By being willing to be a bad artist, you have a chance to be an artist, and perhaps, over time, a very good one.

When I make this point in teaching, I am met by instant, defensive hostility: “But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?”

Yes… the same age you will be if you don’t.

That was the most compelling passage for me. I’m not going to throw away the idea of going to school to get a Masters of Marriage and Family Therapy, but I’m more excited than ever to really approach photography and handcrafts as more than just a hobby or “side thing”.

As for making money off of them, I think there’s a huge aspect of learning to be a good businessman and marketer for your own product. As much as you are an artist, if you want to make money off of what you do, you need to learn how to sell it. Like John Mayer. or Jay-Z. Anyway, before I get too off topic, I want to leave you with another excerpt for brain food:

Without specific tools and sufficient ego strengths, many gifted arists languish for years in the wake of such blows. Shamed at their supposed lack of talent, shamed by their “grandiose” dreams, the young artists may channel their gifts into commercial endeavors and then forget their dreams of doing more groundbreaking (and risky) work. They may work as editors instead of writers, film editors instead of film directors, commercial artists instead of fine artists, and get stuck within shouting distance of their dreams. Often audacity, not authentic talent, confers fame on an artist. The lack of audacity–pinched out by critical abuse or malnourished through neglect–may cripple many artists far superior to those we publicly acclaim.

Plan of action: I will start looking up various photo techniques and styles to improve my shooting and general exposure to the world behind a lens. Which reminds me of another great quote: “An artist is the sum of his experiences.” You can’t be inspired by what you don’t know.

Today’s theme: black-and-white

AND! I’ve opened up on Etsy! Not exactly how I’d imagined it, but alas, many a great start have had humble beginnings. So please support me by sharing with your friends! Tell them I make pretty earrings.

Readers beware. Very long. Contains thoughts and opinions you may or may not agree with, but hopefully we will all continue to learn something while chewing on these difficult cuds of musings.

Last night Ricky and I watched the movie Up in the Air, about a guy who fires people for a living, and revels in his apparent skill of doing so “with dignity”. He tells people he’s their “reality check” and that instead of mourning the loss of their jobs, they can celebrate new opportunities to try things they never allowed themselves to before. He gets stuck with showing the ropes to a new young employee who’s revamped the system so that they can fire people via videochat, thereby reducing the airfare required to send the firing agents cross country. They both get their own reality checks; she, realizing the dehumanizing effects of her job, and getting betrayed by her own “get married for love” attitude after being dumped via text message; he, acknowledging that his self-isolation damaged rather than protected himself from the “burden” of relationships. In the end, no one’s right, but no one’s wrong.

I definitely recommend watching this movie, because it makes us re-evaluate our motives and our preconceptions of how the world works versus how the world should work. At first I agreed with the new girl. Why wouldn’t you want to get married? Why wouldn’t you want to have kids? Do it for love, do it for the family you could have, do it so you’ll always have someone next to you for the rest of your life. “So you won’t have to die alone,” she said. Being tied down, though, prevents you from moving fast, exploring new places. That was his mantra, which I also agree with.

The question is then, what are we doing and why; and do our ideals of how we’re supposed to be doing these things, in fact, mislead us?

I know at this point, some of you may think, “Just do whatever is right” or “God will ultimately lead you down the path that is meant for you”. I don’t disagree with these, but they are too overarching, too vague, and too naive, if left as the end-all, be-all answer.

Ricky showed me a post from his friend’s blog about how many of his good girl friends have divorced or thought about separating from their husbands. He was struggling with the idea that even those that claim to have the Faith are vulnerable to failed relationships.

An excerpt:

I truthfully do not know what to believe these days.  Church or non-church, half the marrieds I see don’t look happy.  Church or God or anything else is not going to guarantee bliss.  Turning to God or your belief system might help, but even I get sick of the honks at church who give blanket statements about “time to get right with God.”  It’s not an if then.  If it is, then disprove this, “I’m right with God, but I’m wrong with marriage.”  You can’t.  Because it is possible to be right with God and wrong with marriage.

We been taught to marry someone that loves us and can provide for us (mentally, monetarily, spiritually, emotionally).  What if that formula is wrong?  Marrying to strengthen the families seemed to work better in the olden days.    Are marriages supposed to be happy?  Are marriages supposed to produce kids?  Is love always supposed to be there?  Is it allowed to fade and comeback?  Maybe we have it right.  Maybe we have it all wrong.  What makes a marriage nowadays? I don’t know, I’m confused.

I had a thought the other day–before reading Ricky’s friend’s post– just wondering about marriages in the old days, or maybe even not so old, where people would get married not “for love”, but could still stay together through the years. I wasn’t really wondering what exactly was the key to their success, or what exactly defines a “successful” marriage. Is it happiness? Is it children? It is duration? I had some of the same question as Ricky’s friend. Think outside the box a little, and separate yourself from the notion of marriage that we’ve been raised to accept as true.

I think, regardless of how a successful marriage is “supposed to” look, we are too often unaware of some of the issues that are the core of a relationship between two people, particularly two who are married. This list is not exhaustive; just a few points that I had in mind. Also, as I’m not married myself and do hope to be someday, I’m writing these from experience of being in a relationship and what has emerged so far in light of attacking the very issues that work to pit us against each other.

1. Being selfless. I believe at our very nature and at the root of our wrongdoings, is selfishness. Not to say it’s the most fundamental sin, but I do think that most if not all of our less holy actions can be traced back to selfishness. Just being in a relationship with someone demands that we are less selfish. We must consider the other person, and we must push some of ourselves out of the picture so that we can pull more of the other person into the picture so that there can even be an “us”. It can be hard to say sorry first, or to wash all the dishes without being asked. But if it’s for the better of both of “us”, we need to be less selfish.

2. Practical compatibility. Opposites do attract, but something as simple as syncing sleep patterns can be enough to drive a couple crazy. Imagine a thrill-seeker who’s with a homebody. To some extent, that’s Ricky and me. He’s active, out-going, sociable, aggressive, always on the move. I prefer to be stable, quiet, less talkative, and to take things slow. We’ve already recognized this as a significant difference, since we’ve had our share of conflicts and I’m sure we will continue to have them in the future, simply because we’re wired and were raised very differently. This brings me to point #3.

3. Compromise. Having an area where we are not practically compatible is very dangerous. If I’m not a little more active sometimes, or if Ricky’s not less aggressive sometimes, we could be having a really rocky relationship. It doesn’t sound like the biggest deal, but to compromise part of our basic nature is always counter-intuitive. I made this a separate point from #1 because while it’s part of being selfless, it’s different from reconciling over difficult incidents. This is reconciling mindsets and attitudes. This is changing who we are. Some people might not be ok with that, and that’s something we have to weigh for ourselves. Is being with this person worth sacrificing a part of who I am?

4. Love changes. At least our definition and expectations of love changes. When you first meet someone, it’s exciting. Something new and unexplored; you’re just getting to know the other person and have the whole world to talk about. Weeks, months, years go by, and you know each other like the backs of your hands. Maybe now companionship is what keeps you together. Maybe the benefits of double incomes. Maybe the children. Someday we’ll be old and saggy, and sex may be the last thing on our minds, but that’s ok. Our love will most likely be based on different factors as time goes on, not because we don’t want it to stay the same, but because things happen and we get old. Love changes, so what? How will we respond to the progress and stages of the relationship?

__________________________

I had more to say on other topics, but I will leave tonight’s post here, as it is 2:40am Shanghai time, and this has gone on long enough. Stay tuned for an update on my newfound inspiration to be an artist.

one of many overpass networks. this is near a huge column that has dragon carvings all over it. according to rumors, it was done because the construction workers couldn’t drill through the ground for the foundation, so superstition called upon the power of the dragon. story doesn’t end there. supposedly it was to be kept a secret otherwise the power would disappear; legend says the guy who let the cat out of the bag died within a few days. or something like that.

randomly wandered into an underground boutique area where we found a booth with a few guys who had started their own line of guitars and had just opened shop.

dust dust everywhere. i really hope i don’t contract a respiratory disease. all the plants outside have a thick layer of dust on their leaves. ricky’s cousin said she can’t recall ever seeing a plant in shanghai without this kind of dusty layer.

passed by a table with bowls of turtles. this one’s furry! hehe

pepper, not really. hippo, definitely.

a glimpse at the expo. the building for china looks like a certain library.

unsettling name for an elementary school.

with a smile on his face

hyper little bugger, but he can sit still for a long watching the bubbles pop after i finish washing the dishes.

IMAX 3D. A-MAZING.

Definitely will be watching again. And again. And again. And again. Yea, you could say it’s a politically charged, modern Dances With Wolves, but c’mon. The most exciting and mindblowing 2 hours and 40 minutes that I’ve ever spent in a chair without getting up was, without a doubt, watching Avatar.

I spent a week in Taiwan; usually a week is not worth it, flying an expensive 13-ish hours from LA, but this time, it was only 1.5 from Shanghai. Although it does take about another 1.5 hours to get to the airport, it’s all by public transportation, which is cheap and within walking distance. 5 minutes from my door is the metro, which takes me to the maglev station, which shuttles me right into Pudong airport.

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite things about Taiwan: going to 姥姥’s house. There is never a shortage of food, and there are always, always, always freshly made 狮子头 (i.e. GIANT meatballs) that she makes with a special recipe to make them super soft and tasty. My mom now has the recipe, and I’m determined to learn how to make them too. Our 姥姥, who is actually my mom’s godmother but has become so close to the family we consider her our grandma as well, used to make star-shaped chicken nuggets for my brother and me when we were younger. A little disappointed that there weren’t any this time, but only in a selfishly childish way.

The view from another one of my favorite places in Taiwan: DanShui. Beautiful scenery, irresistable shops with billions of cheap things, or claw games (think alien squeaky toy from Toy Story)! Last time Ricky and I won 30+ stuffed animals and little things from the claw games. This time, I only got a mini pack of cards. As much as I love Taiwan and the people there, I have to admit it felt weird after getting used to the way things work in China. I guess I really am starting to become familiar with Shanghai and considering it my home.

The speed of the maglev from the airport. 30km in 7min 20sec.

Back in China. Saw this in an old-town area, behind the place where we got our custom (partial-) cashmere coats.

Same area as last time, where I took the picture of the rubble in the foreground with the cranes and high rises in the back. The place has been pretty much cleared out, with the exception of 2 tiny shack-sized homes, and we saw workers laying foundations for new high rises.

No Spitting!

Just dinner on a normal night. 58rmb to stuff ourselves with enough leftovers for lunch!

Last night, I was bringing Cheesepuff back to my place, since Ricky was taking care of him for me while I was in Taiwan.  The taxi driver was the nicest one I’ve had yet.  Most of them just say “到哪儿?” (Where to?) when you get in the cab, but he said “你好!” (Hello!), and cheerfully too. He was easy to talk to, but what surprised me the most was whenever the cat meowed, the taxi driver meowed right back! Chinese people don’t usually do things like that, especially in front of strangers, but he just laughed and said “它有同伴了!” (Now he has a companion!)

I think it’s because of things like that, that make me realize I don’t feel so out of place here anymore. It’s not so much seeing someone exhibit the “nice” behavior that we’re used to in westernized places, but learning to recognize the good hearts of the people here, no matter how they express themselves.

It’s been such a long time, and so much has happened since my last post. Here’re just a few snippets:

This is one of the designs for the metro tickets; our favorite. There are supposed to be 12 fully functional lines + a section of the 13th line by the expo in May 2010. Today, Metro Line 1 actually stopped because of a minor collision. Traffic everywhere, no one got to work on time. Ricky had to walk 2+ miles (3.2 km for the metric savvy) to work.

The best 生煎包s that we’ve had so far.

Outside the fabric market at Lujiabang, with quail eggs. They’re hardboiled here, fried in Taiwan, delicious either way!

Ricky with 玉米 or, as he calls it, 包谷.

Lady selling potstickers and 小龙包s. We saw some foreigners eating in front of her cart, and Ricky asked her how much. She discreetly raised three fingers behing her bamboo steamers, out of the foreigners’ sight. I’m guessing they paid 10RMB. It pays to speak Chinese, is what I’m learning. Also, notice the 老干妈. If you don’t know what 老干妈 is, go to 99 Ranch. You will not regret.

Directed by Ricky. Lots being torn down before the Expo. Destructive or Progressive, that’s not for us to decide.

A cat started following us because it smelled our food. I was sad to leave it, since I was about to pick up an orange tabby the next day.

This is the little guy that I did get to take home. The lady who saved him called him 朋友, and said his favorite toy is a tampon.

So far, it’s true. We think he was feral, so he doesn’t like to held too much, but he follows and sits next to us a lot. I’m thinking of naming him 地铁, to remember this crazy metro-less day.

Interesting juxtaposition. That word always makes things sound more serious than they really are. Anyway, I went shopping for kitchen supplies today, and decided to spend a little more money on the cutest sponges I’ve ever seen. I suppose it’s all part of a subconscious effort to make home more homey–and the fact that I almost can’t resist these kinds of things. I’m having an internal conflict; my nesting instinct versus desire to be mobile. Why get attached to something you know you’ll have to leave? Ah, so philosophical. In the end, I still believe it’s better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.

On a lighter note, Ricky and I ate at Saizeriya tonight, and noticed this sign as we were paying for our dinner.  I don’t mind at all, since I don’t expect everything to be spick and span here; just thought it was funny how it actually says “Fail”. The food is not bad… Not great either, but the price is definitely fair. Glad I had my P&S with me all day; I’m going to keep with me wherever I go from now on, because there’s always going to be something that I’ll be glad to be able to look back at someday. And I must start using shorter sentences.

The world is to my left; anytime I can afford a distraction, I can just turn my head and be reminded that I’m in Shanghai. The stadium takes up half the view, and right now I can hear people racing their RC cars in the parking lot. All the walls in China are hardly sound-proof. They block out as much sound as they do heat, which feels like practically none. The biggest thing I have yet to get used to in Shanghai is that people usually don’t turn on the heater for the whole house… just for the bedrooms. This makes for painfully cold bathrooms in the morning (thank goodness for toilet seat covers!), and after showers, but thankfully there are little space heaters for a good price.

I felt very proud of myself today when a lady on the street stopped me to ask for directions in Shanghainese. I happened to know the road she was looking for (which also helped me understand what she was saying), and I happily pointed the way. Although I only consider myself familiar with small sections of a few of streets in my area, it’s nice feeling like I’m finally starting to know my way around.

On another note, I got a job! Well, right now I’m on a one-month no-pay trial of sorts, but it has definite opportunity to turn into my regular job here. I’m a personal assistant for a fashion photography team from Milan, trying to start their own business here in Shanghai. I can work mostly at home, or on the run, whatever the case may be for the task at hand, like doing research, making calls, or buying materials. I’m really excited about this because it’s more than I expected or hoped for, in terms of career field and exposure to different types of art.

Well, to sum this up, Ricky and I are finally starting to settle into our daily rhythm, but it’s hard since he just recovered from his cold and I’m fighting off mine. We have plans to eat healthy, exercise, and make sure we see and experience as much as we can of what Shanghai– and the rest of China!– has to offer.

I just need to make sure that I don’t eat too many delicious breads from 85 degrees, since it’s on my way home from the metro stop. Good for breakfasts, baaaaaad for late-night munchies.

All silliness from my last post aside, I wish I had more family around while growing up. I don’t have a picture to post today, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the mental picture I have of yesterday. I spent the whole day with my cousin’s family, from about 11 in the morning to 9 at night. She is my cousin by relation of her father being my dad’s much much older brother. Her brother’s family was there too (his son totally reminds me of my brother at 10 years old), as were her own parents. On top of that, I had another cousin there, but he was probably the same age as my dad. He’s my dad’s dad’s brother’s nephew… or something like that. Anyway, my girl cousin’s a lot older than I am, and she’s married with a two-year-old who has more energy than a puppy with ADD– in an absolutely adorable way.

I hear lots of Chinese Americans talk about getting back to their roots in China or Taiwan, where I’ve been to more than a couple times now, and I’ve spent time with extended family before, but this it the first time that I actually felt linked to the people and to the land. I never really had a closeness to anyone in the family outside of my parents and brother, since the rest of the family was so dispersed across the globe, and family reunions were few and far in between.  Ever since I was small, I was made fun of to no end because my last name in English is “You”. But yesterday it was no laughing matter. 游 meant I was family. 游 meant we were from the same place. 游 meant that I could depend on them for whatever I needed. We had met not more than twice, but I was welcome in their house as much as if I were their own daughter. They were telling me that  our/my 老家 (lit. “old home”) is at Mount Tai, in Shandong Province.

This is definitely a new experience that I’m glad to be in Shanghai for. They are wonderful people; I’m glad to be related to them. And on top of everything, I love their sense of humor, and my 二大爷 and 二大娘 are AMAZING cooks.

–painting of Mount Tai, courtesy of www.taishanren.net

Carrefour and Ikea are lifesavers.

Meet Ernest, Dumbledore, and Bennington. We got them at Ikea. And Ricky has a Swedish apartmentmate. She says the names of all the furniture, and the meatballs, are all legit.

So we also found out that two things are still very popular in China: Bugles and Wolverine. Here, Ricky exhibits the two.

Lifestyle tip #032: when buying fruit at Carrefour, must weigh at fruit stand. Cashiers don’t weigh produce.